…yes?

Do you live to know me or do you know me to live?

what…?

Do you live this life to understand me….

Yes.

…or do you just use my ways and my means and my power, so that you might live?

Yes?

Samuel.  Do you know me or do you know the things I can do for humans?

I…can’t tell anymore.  I can’t always tell…

Samuel.  Do you run after my heart…or do you seek to use my blood for the sake of humanity’s well being?

I want you God.

Samuel.  IF I never let you lead just one more, heal one more, love on one more person, would you still serve me?

I want you God.

Samuel.  I have heard your cry.

But, Samuel, I want to ask you if you’re a humanist or my son.

Do you live to know me or do you know me to live your life?

Intercession at the high school in Kona

Message from Kailua Kona, Hawaii.

This past year has been one of transition and alignment. The entire year the Lord has been bringing back the deep cry for a generation lost, for revival amongst my peers and for the nation lost to sleep and death…

Recently and for some time, I’ve been praying about my next position within YWAM. I’ve been working with YWAM Las Vegas for almost exactly 5 years now. I’ve learned, led…and be able to serve in many different ways in Las Vegas and around the world.

Right now God has opened up an opportunity to go learn and work with U of N Kona under the Fire and Fragrance covering. In order to chase the dream and calling I believe God has called me to, my family and leaders around me have prayerfully decided to commit a season of my walk to Fire and Fragrance…to learn and be challenged in sustainable revival!

I leave Thursday–January 3, 2012 for Kona base. I am still on staff in Las Vegas, but sort of on loan for this year/season.

Check out this video for details and write for anything!

Will update for mailing address, but support is still sent straight to YWAM Las Vegas base!

More info via web: Fire and Fragrance; YWAM Kona, Hawaii; Circuit Riders

I was frustrated and I wanted to see dead men come alive.

For 22 years I’d seen my closest friends burn away.  Flames that gave light and had power…but were now black and white.  Like ash.

For 22 years I’d been an accomplice and a victim to death.  I fought for and against identity stolen and vision smothered.  We all put in together, coerced and tricked–selfishly petitioned for what we wanted–and THAT–That need to attain or accomplish, left hearts strangled and mangled…cast across the road or open sea.

My dream was one I had while living in Idaho.  I was sitting in my computer chair Sophomore year.  I was staring at a computer and I saw them.  I saw crowds and crowds of people walking.  They were all in black and white.  They were willing to walk forward, yet unsatisfied.  They had been marked but were stolen.  They jeered and cheered, encouraged one another to press on towards their goal.  But their goal was just captivity…was a circle. It didn’t lead anywhere, it was just “something to do”.  I couldn’t figure out why they wouldn’t walk towards me…or run away from the black and white.

…as they passed me I caught a glimpse of something.  A shimmer.  The reflection of metals around their wrists and necks.  Man’s glory.  But the color had faded.  They were chains about their necks…and all tied together in their party.

This was my tribe.  Their noose a precious metal, attaching them to some dream…a dream that wasn’t theirs.  They were like the ghosts Eli Weisel talks about in Night.  Life had been driven from them.

So I saw my generation walking to their death camps…but who needed a death camp?  They’d already died! Yet their bodies moved about as though living!!!

2010 seemed to be the year my Father began to bring this memory back.  It was in full picture too.  He reminded me of the other 3, 4 or even 5 times He! walked into my room and showed me this picture of my friends dead.

November 15th I was angry.  I kept having these pangs.  I kept having these pains!  I constantly got these waves of emotion that would be my spirit saying, “WHY should we live asleep?!?”

It’d been building 22 years.  A culmination of victory and defeat.  I’d made it to 22 alive, and yet I felt this hunger, this desire for MORE. How great a dream! I want to see it done!

I began to beg my Father for a response,  ”God, why the discontent heart if you won’t release the power to see it done?  Why am I dreaming of more if I shouldn’t pursue this dream?”

Then I went on “WHY GIVE ME A DREAM IF I CANT LIVE IT?!”  ”WHY GIVE ME A VISION THAT I CANT SEE WITH MY WAKING EYES?”

Anger. Diminishing.  Purpose was staring at me…and this time I didn’t know it’s face!

Earlier that year someone got this picture for me.  It was of Jesus and I.  I had given Him this ring.  After the commitment then left Him in the building.  I basically gave my love and made a covenant with Him, then went off and did my “job”…and I even said it was for Him.  But I’d been gone so long, I forgot I gave Him a ring…

November 15th I started to get bitter. I began to get angry. At God.

“What’s wrong with me that I still feel discontent?”

“I preach and teach that you’re enough for me!  Become enough!!!”

As anger welled up inside me, I began to create a new fire.  A destructive one.  I wanted to reject God, I was hurt and angry! I wanted Him to be enough!

…then I said it, “What then? What would you have your servant do?  I’ve done everything to bring your kingdom…and yet my soul still burns!”

I said it sarcastically.

As quickly as it came out of my mouth my spirit recognized fear.  It recognized a severe fear–a costly fear.  I was sitting but all of a sudden I was laying.  I was yelling but all of a sudden my hands were over my ears.  I was alone but all of a sudden He walked back into the room.  The bride I’d locked away, came to me.

“Honor Him.  Fear Him. Embrace and be engulfed in Him!”  These thoughts burned through my being and I knew this man was real.  He said to me, “You’ve left me Samuel! You divorced me! For ministry! For a kingdom in my name!”

I didn’t need to hear it twice, “What then God? What?! What have I not given to you!  I’m doing what you told me!”

“Die.  I need you to die!”

“Please.  Fine.  Help me die then…”  He came to take away the life I’d lost a love for…he took it awake.  ”Do you want ministry or do you want me?”

I immediately saw the end of myself.  I saw the end of all desire and all purpose. All I could see was this man.  All I wanted was to say was Yes. I don’t want the kingdom…I don’t want others to meet Him…I just want to know Him better.

I saw myself lying down, and fading.  Dying.  But He promised to wake me.  He said a new creation would arise out of Samuel’s death.

So 2011 I spent killing myself off.  But it wasn’t so hard…it was more a run towards what I knew I wanted..but realizing alot of my body was unhealthy…was sleepy…was without muscle.  I was a marathon runner that had been binging and lying down.

Come awake.

All muscle memory gone…or maybe it never was.

He’d been saying.  COME AWAKE!  My spirit heard it before my head did.  That was the burning inside me.

COME AWAKE!

It’s like my color had faded too..but I tried to paint others!

COME AWAKE!

I was reading a love letter from my honeymoon, but hadn’t visited my love since!

COME AWAKE!

I took the dagger straight to my desires and goals.

COME AWAKE!

He let the old man die off.

COME AWAKE!

Something new was born.

coming awake…

I’m growing now…into the new man in Christ–the man who conquered DEATH.  It’s my desire to know him…and to be known by him.  The man who killed death itself.  It’s my desire to continue to wake up…to stay awake, and to bring all that color back.  My love and my desire, is the man that I gave vows to.

I am betrothed.

He is my beloved.

 Acts 1:8

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

Praise God! $1000 came in JUST IN TIME to make it to Alabama. It wasn’t easy…and it wasn’t necessarily pretty.  However, I made it to Alabama in time to attend the meeting where we prayed…sought God..and shared visions.

I’m going to record a short-video with some clips from that event so I’ll say this:

God has been speaking to many leaders in YWAM, including myself, about started a focused mission/ministry to solely revive and awaken UNIVERSITY CAMPUSES nationwide.  As all of you may know, my heart is for the nations…but this year the Lord has spoken to me very clearly about my part in mobilizing University campuses to go to the NATIONS!  This entire conference was a gathering of leaders that have been feeling this same word…So I’ll say more in the update, but I must tell you the holy spirit came and moved…in signs and wonders at this conference (Literally), and I’m waiting to know what it means for my NEXT STEPS!

At the Acts 1 gathering praying for the nations

 

 

 

Acts 1:8

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

So I have come back to Las Vegas and I’ve met with the other leaders here at the YWAM base.  It’s been 1 year exactly since God put me on break…now, after meeting, we feel like it’s right to pray for 1 week…then decide where I go next…what I do next.

On my heart is: Revival on campuses. Mission Adventures Las Vegas and where the new leader will come from.  Maybe God has a different idea?  There’s lots of responsibilities that I could return to Las Vegas to pick up…but we really want to seek the Lord before I renew commitments! 1 week!!!!

Lastly, I’m still needing to raise $4000 for the vehicle I felt was right to petition for.  I am so thankful for all those that gave, and I’m so grateful I was able to go to the Acts 1 gathering, as I felt like it MAY shift my life’s work for some time to come!

I would ask that anyone who hasn’t, please consider your part in giving towards the $4000 left to buy a reliable car for traveling and getting into work!

Please call write or email and ask questions, catch up–or anything else! Love you all!

In 9 days I’m due to be in Alabama for a gathering centered around bringing revival across North America and beyond. Along with that it’s time to find transportation with the help of a friend who is finding me a car at wholesale (at auction) so I can travel safely to many more meetings and work…then finally to catch up on other finances!

$1000 is immediately needed (by 12th). Working on this and trying to be obedient in asking for help!

Thanks for considering your part in the ministry I am blessed to be involved in.

SamuelLeeGoing.com

You should know that lately I’ve been coming to an end of my means.  I’ve been learning more and more about my means…and what Samuel means.  <–What that means is that I’m realizing my business plan needed/needs/is getting/has a new model.

In the past I’ve meant to act like a SON of the living God.  I’ve carried the kingdom on my shoulders…I’ve fought against what I thought was a threat to the reign of the Good King, and  I ran hard and fast in the direction I thought the kingdom was going.

___________________________

I’ve been on a interim year, a realignment year.  I’ve been strategically out of the weight of leadership to otherwise realign my vision, purpose and methods with God’s own.  This year has still included kingdom spreading, however.  Still doing evangelism, schooling within our tribe (YWAM), and serving in Las Vegas with the AbolitionistDTS that we spent so much time and energy fighting for in 2010.

2011 is me working in the red lights of SE Asia, me studying “Plumbline” and biblical counseling methods…my heart was inspired and my means found out!

I’ve been poured into by mentors and partners–and I’ve been humbled.  Almost every day I’m finding that where I thought my effectuality was maximum, in actuality was an energy that was only a hinderance and sometimes a barrier to God’s purpose or intentions.  That is not to say that the Good King hasn’t been using this Son to accomplish his campaign– it does mean that the battle being waged had unnecessary sacrifices and losses, where if the King’s strategy was employed–far greater land would have been won with minimized loss.

___________________________

Towards the end of the 4th quarter of 2010 the Lord began to show up in many visions, words and inspirations that couldn’t be ignored without great fight.  It would require completely closing my spiritual eyes to ignore the pressure building up within me.  However, with the speed at which I was ministering and with the frailty of disciplines that existed, to launch myself into this vision would likely kill me…

Ever been there? Nearly dead…vision comes–You want to being to fly! You’re ready to see that house get built…but you realize you haven’t sleep in three days.  Perhaps the timing of the dream wasn’t off, rather my sleeping pattern was off preceding glory’s arrival.

___________________________

As I’m drawing close to end of the sanctioned rest period, I’m learning more than I have the entire year…

The “end of my means” thought

I’ve lost all desire to strive or fight for missions, for the discipling of others, for the redeeming of the influential spheres of society…and even more–I no longer want to chase the broken hearts down the road.  Rather, my means to walk onward is no longer my “desire” or “compassion” for the lost or lost world.  I’ve found that it’s simply not enough to strive out of my own energy and strength.  My vision, though colorful, is simply not creative enough.  My music isn’t loud enough, my muscles not trained enough…my lungs not clean and stretched enough–to stay committed to and see my dreams become reality.

My means to seeing the world changed, maybe for the first time (God willing and in fearful trust) is becoming the desire to love Christ better.

1/4 of my short life has been spent (at least at some level) fighting for the 2nd commandment.

Hopefully that % will become smaller and smaller as I fight with the right sustaining energy and focus on the 1st.

____________________________

Those dreams and visions I began to have…are coming at shorter intervals now.  It’s almost like my spirit knows something my head/heart doesn’t (HAHA like that’s never happened).

The questions isn’t now, will I be able to accomplish this dream.  The question now is, “Will I stay plugged into the energy source that can power the dream…that has enough life within it to create and renew what is dead”.

Time to live out our dreams with open eyes.

I’ve recently been going through this phase where I’m extremely (and I mean to the “T”) cautious of deceiving others through stories, comments…or anything else where I might distract someone away from what is true and completely true.

People sometimes let a story I told grow into a more glorified fable of something I’ve done or experienced. I’ve been correcting that.  I don’t want any glory from false things…or simply don’t want glory.

A few months ago I purged my laptop of anything stolen or not freely given; movies, songs or programs that aren’t paid for will not be found on my laptop because at the end of this life, when we look back and say, “We kicked this life’s butt” I don’t want any illegitimately gained land.  That same concept is now setting in with the way I influence or teach…to a newer level of extremism.

(…and I do plan to conquer the world.)

I’ve stopped telling people things I think they need to hear just to say it.  Now when I tell someone, “I love you” or when I say, “You’re valued” I needn’t think twice about whether or not they’ll receive it, because it’s coming from my heart.  It’s not for the sake of molding someone according to what I think or know is true even, but it’s said because it’s truth.  It may not seem different to you, but I won’t tell someone they’re loved if I don’t believe it…and that seems to be all the difference now.

Last year I was reading that part of the book when he says, “Simply let your yes be yes and your no be no.  Anything more than a yes or a no is from the evil one…”

My roommate mentioned to me that a verbal contract is no longer binding. I am grieved that I buy into that daily.  Whether it’s my, “Yes I’d love to spend more time with you…” or an “I am committed to you”, I hate that it’s become okay to SPEAK something that is either deceptive or that I can eventually renege on and say, “I didn’t mean to communicate that, [so I'm not going to be obligated to fulfill this or that]…”.  Even a simple twisting of comments or statements.

Selfishness denotes an excessive or exclusive concern with oneself, and as such it exceeds mere self interest or self concern. Insofar as a decision maker knowingly burdens or harms others for personal gain, the decision is selfish.

It’s literally manifested through our relationships and can be seen in the way we do life together.  In the church and in business, between nations and families…we use communication to coerce, control or compel others to satisfy our own selfish need/gain.

Letting our yes be no and our no be a coaxing threat; the thing that began to grow, and eventually became a fortress of insecure living that is the culture we exist in.  We don’t know what is real anymore because we’ve backed out of almost everything we commit to. Daily we’ve decided our need is great than our word.  Selfishness.

A righteous man keeps his word even when it hurts.

I’ve been the tyrant in manipulation.  Making empty promises or statements in order to appease a situation or to walk someone closer to my own gain or even what I saw as beneficial…

I’ve fell victim to others failure to produce that which they so expressly promise in friendship or in passion–and daily I watch as my generation dies to truth and reality, because when reality looks them in the face, they see something that is blurry and cannot be trusted.

Most importantly in relationships: marriage, friendships, families–I want to trust again. I want to fulfill the promise that comes with brotherhood.  I want to back up the phrase, “I love you” with selfless acts, and I want my joy to be upheld by acts of mercy and consistent seeking of the well-being of the city.  For what is love without sacrifice…what is discipleship without cost…what are words without creation?

The first words that were spoken caused an entire world to be created…whether it be created over 1 million years, or if it were all in 6 days.